Posted on June 14th, 2018 by quy
Father’s day often brings out mushy sentimental enthusiastic praise for Fathers that seems to completely miss the reality of who fathers are. Now fathers, like mothers, are real human beings. We would like our parents to be the perfect loving parents of our imagination: able to discipline and persuade without being harsh; always wanting to greet us with a loving hug: always living their best, most moral, most successful and most happy life.
We are humans. We fail from time to time. Love is a a twisty and slippery emotion when left to the realm of romance, ideology myth. Each person wants to know that their parent loves them perfectly. Many of us — perhaps not you — find their father loves them as best they can even if it is not as perfect as we would like.
My father used to say, “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” While I agree, the divorce rate suggests that is not happening as much as we all would like. We try. Some do. Some, for reasons of trauma or other experiences, can’t.
But love has another side. It is the love where a person chooses to love, and chooses to live in ways that are kind, generous, and forgiving. So this Father’s Day consider that you might indulge in this stronger love that wells up from the core of your soul. The issue may be not how much he loves you but rather how much you love him. Love does not need to be earned. No score needs to be kept as to whom has been more loving. Hurts and slights can be forgiven. Generosity can still pour forth — not out of the love they have given in whatever quantity — but out of the love you choose to give.
That love could be about helping your Father see the man he could be. Perhaps it is sharing with him your vision of that strong and capable; or creative; or adventurous, or glamorous or whatever, man you see him to be. You could give him gifts that allow him to indulge in his dreams of self development. More than giving an indulgent gift, it could be an opportunity to create a new future starting from this day forward.
For some this might include a change in image that acknowledges the man he’s has become while not ignoring the man that he was. For others this might be a change in image to demonstrate to him the man of your vision that makes the most of his skills, talents and strength while minimizing his weaknesses and shortcomings. That is an aspirational gift.
So the image change can of course involve clothing, Perhaps an artist’s painters apron or fishing waders, or corporate suits are the order of the day. Image is more than clothes. Consider that haircut, perhaps even some hair color. Manicure? Pedicure? How do you see the man? What will you do to help him see himself as the best man that you see in him.
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